Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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