No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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