I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
