If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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