And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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