I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
