She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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