Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
