i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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