did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
