She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
