was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
