We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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