1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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