I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
