its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
