Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
