My sheets look like a crime scene.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
