tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
