Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
