Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
