This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
