I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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