Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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