tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
