I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
