the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
