in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
