Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
