i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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