whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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