dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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