I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
