I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
