i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
