i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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