Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
