You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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