Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
