just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
