Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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