I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
