new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
