youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dick very happy bro
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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