whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
