found the other keg... it's in the tree
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
