I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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