Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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