I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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