just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
