the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
